The ones who're observant enough may notice that it's again this time of the month... The times when I question myself, my choices, my wishes for the future - all (thank you calendars, and data for the knowledge :)).

This time around I look at it more philosophically and reflect on the past, present, and future. It's almost a quarter now since the divorce and the new chapter in my life. And it's been quite an eventful quarter. I've turned back to a busy social schedule, met with friends more often, had interesting conversations, enjoyed dates with myself, changed job (perhaps a daring move, but time will be the ultimate judge), listened to my intuition, enjoyed dancing and attention. While this is all great and I truly enjoyed it a question about personal ambitions in life is still open. I often talk to close friends and family sharing the duality within me. Two personas coexist—the independent, resilient individual content with the prospect of a solitary journey and the romantic dreamer who quietly craves the elusive "Hollywood" happy ending.

I kept asking myself when and where was the individual solder in me born. My whole childhood I've been blessed witnessing happy family and family friends. I grew up with classical fairytales and Disney movies about Prince Charming and happy endings (Thank you Disney for changing the narrative in the past years). All of that made it easy for me to understand the romantic soul within me. As I consider this part of my character to be the vulnerable one I try to suppress it as much as possible (which some would argue it's wrong).

But what about the resilient individualist? Where did this come from? I've tried analyzing my childhood and figuring out if it had something to do with it. Surprisingly, or perhaps not, my idyllic childhood offers no clear answers. I was an extremely blessed child with a happy and peaceful childhood. Then I looked at my early adulthood and I can't conclude it for sure, but I believe a big part of is due to my adulthood relationships. Since the early days attention flowed freely but often came with the price of being perceived as a mere "trophy". My younger self may have enjoyed that for a while but then the pretty face became a shield against deception, betrayal, and unfulfilled promises. The journey was marked by heartbreaks, deceit, and the painful realization that not all attention was genuine.

Each disappointment, betrayal, and shattered promise brought another layer onto the shield, forging the resilient individualist I am today. The lessons learned through heartache molded the contours of my strength, teaching me not only to stand tall in the face of adversity., but to a certain extent manage it as well. The scars are not just reminders of wounds inflicted but symbols of resilience, proof that the naive girl who once sought fairytales has evolved into a woman fortified by experience. A woman who would not settle for less than she deserves. I've proven to myself (but others as well) that I'm more than enough and I'm complete the way I am. I'm not to be taken for granted anymore and I'm not settling for less than what I deserve.

As I continue to uncover the layers of my identity, this self-exploration becomes a dance between vulnerability and resilience, romanticism and pragmatism. And even if a part of me secretly may dream of a "happily ever after", I'm perfectly fine embracing the continuous journey of self-discovery, growth, and happiness on my own as well.  The one thing I really hope for is that in this quest for happiness and fulfillment, I'm able to provide a safe environment for my daughter to develop an objective perspective about life, happiness, and love, free from the shadows of my own experiences.

And so, as the month turns its pages, I march forward into the unknown, fortified by the lessons of the past, embracing the present, and hopeful for the unwritten chapters that lie ahead.