As the weekend comes to an end I’m sitting next to the river and reflecting on an emotionally interesting weekend. I don’t even know where to start with. It was supposed to be a regular no plans type of weekend. But it turned out being slightly different.

Friday evening I had a dinner out with the family. Nothing special you’d think. But it’s summer time and it looks like everyone goes to the same places. So in the middle of the dinner my ex showed up which wasn’t the issue at this moment. So far so good, we had nice food, chatted had few drinks and moved to a dancing place across. As I met a friend who’s leaving town in a week I felt like staying and the first trigger kicked in.

My brother wanted to go home, my mom made a comment and out of the blue I got super frustrated. A flood of emotions came in. I felt controlled to start with, I felt disappointed about needing to give up on what I wanted to please someone else like my brother’s wish to go home. Once again I had that feeling of taking care of everything and everyone and not getting much in return. I've swollen it down and left the place. Going back to the garage I bumped into my ex-husband's first wife and in the garage one of his lovers. All of them going into the same place, so once again I felt out of place. The spots I love during the summer now bring me unpleasant encounters and trigger frustration and feelings of unfair treatment.

Saturday was supposed to be my day of solitude and reflection, but Friday night’s events kept my mind busy. Although I manage to had 3 hours for myself and enjoy a walk and shopping in the city center, I felt those encounters were a reminder of past and present disappoinpents. Saturday night at the farewell of my friend I bumped into my ex and his new girlfriend and kept wondering why I'm constantly presented as the "bad" one in the situation although I've kept being single and haven't introduced anyone to my daughter. On the contrary her father introduces every couple of months a new girlfriend and blames me for "distroying our family".

So, as I sit here by the river, I’m trying to process it all. The frustration, the triggers, the feeling of being out of place—it’s a lot to unpack. But this weekend has taught me something important: the need to set boundaries and prioritize my own emotional well-being as well as the time for myself.

I’ve realized that it's okay to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. It’s a natural response to feeling controlled and undervalued. What’s crucial is how I respond to these emotions. Instead of letting them rotten me, I need to acknowledge them and find healthy ways to cope.

As I look ahead, I’m committed to making more time for myself, setting clear boundaries, and not being afraid to voice my needs and desires. It's not selfish to put myself first sometimes; it's necessary for my mental and emotional health.

This weekend was a reminder that while I can't control other people's actions or the unexpected encounters, I can control how I react to them. By embracing solitude and reflection, I can better understand my triggers and work towards healing and growth.

As I watch the river flow by, I feel a sense of calm washing over me. Life will always have its ups and downs, but taking the time to reflect, process, and prioritize my well-being is essential. Here’s to more moments of peace and self-discovery, even amidst life’s unpredictable twists and turns.