During my travel last week I've went out for a dinner with a friend and colleague who I consider having high emotional intelligence. After discussing work and random stuff, we started talking about the path I've been onto for the past few years.

One would think that considering my tendency to overthink and analyze, I would have asked myself the question she asked me, but I was caught by surprise when she asked: Based on your experience what are the red flags you'll be looking into when meeting men? So thinking on it on the spot and here are the top five:

1. Jealousy – This is a non-negotiable red flag, an absolute deal-breaker. The moment it rears its head, I know it’s a sign of insecurity, control, and ultimately a toxic relationship. It’s something I’ve experienced before, and I’ve learned that jealousy is never about love or protection—it’s about possession.

2. Overly Pushy or Insistent – That obsessive behavior I once confused with love, that feeling of being swept off my feet by intense attention, is not love. It’s unhealthy and often a precursor to control. I now know that love grows steadily, not through intensity but through respect and understanding.

3. Family Relationships – If a man doesn’t get along with his family or has ongoing conflicts,  it’s worth paying attention to. While I know every family dynamic is different, the way someone interacts with their family often reveals how they’ll handle close, long-term relationships.

4. Lack of Friendships – If a man has no real, long-term friendships, that’s a huge red flag. It signals that he may have trouble forming meaningful connections or maintaining relationships, and that’s something I can’t ignore anymore. Healthy friendships reflect a person's ability to be trustworthy, supportive, and empathetic.

5. Blaming Others – The way someone handles responsibility is telling. If they consistently paint themselves as the victim of their own life, and every failed relationship or difficult circumstance is “never their fault,” it’s a clear indication of emotional immaturity. Taking responsibility for one’s actions is fundamental to personal growth and healthy relationships. Blame-shifting, on the other hand, is a red flag I’ve learned not to overlook.

As I sat there, reflecting and answering her question, I realized how much growth I’ve experienced over the past few years. I’ve had my share of mistakes, ignored red flags, and rationalized unhealthy behaviors. I felt a sense of clarity. It wasn’t just about avoiding toxic relationships anymore—it was about setting a higher standard for myself, knowing that I deserve someone who contributes to my peace, not my chaos. And it was definitely giving a higher importance and listening more to that inner voice which was always there guiding me, but I ignored for so long.

The conversation left me feeling empowered. While the journey of healing and self-discovery hasn’t been easy, it’s brought me to a place where I can recognize red flags, set boundaries, and stay true to the lessons I’ve learned. It’s not about fear or avoidance, but about being intentional with the people I allow into my life.

And most importantly, it's about trusting myself enough to walk away when those red flags appear. Because now, I know I deserve better.