Recovering from a traumatic relationship with a narcissist is not an easy path. Apart from the amount of self-reflection in my case, it requires a lot of self control. One of my greatest concerns throughout this journey has been the potential impact on my daughter. Knowing I can't control neither what he says, nor what he does with her when she's with him, I've poured my energy and time into spending quality time with her and making sure I create a safe and supportive environment for her when she's with me. 

There have been countless moments where I've had to exercise restraint, resisting the urge to engage with my ex's provocations or my daughter's frustrations. It hasn't been easy. So many times I've doubted my actions, my reactions or the lack of those.

I've felt a profound victory in not engaging in his intentions after my discussion with my daughter's psychologist yesterday. Being in constant defense mode and doubting whether I act in her best interest caused me a bit of anxiety while waiting for that appointment. It felt extremely rewarding and I felt a relief exiting the psychologist room yesterday. The therapist shared that from her time with my daughter she can reassure me that the way I react or not in certain situations, the way I talk to her, and the environment I'm creating are well recognized by my daughter as the safe space. My daughter knows that I love her unconditionally and independent of her frustrations and sometimes rude reactions towards me, I'll be there for her to calm her down and support her no matter what.

Although today she may still not realize that my decision has been for the good of us both, the psychologist reassured me that if I continue in the same direction, my daughter with have a great example of the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing emotional well-being. And later when she needs to set her own boundaries she would know and understand why I've decided to leave her father.

The growth and path to recovery and healing from the trauma of a narcissistic abuse is full of challenges. It's overwhelming to see how the narcissistic co-parent sees putting his own child against the other parent as a victory. It's difficult to keep calm when you want to shout back and react. But each moment of resistance to emotional reactions confirms my commitment to breaking free from the cycle of toxicity. It's a victory not just for myself, but for the future I'm building for both of us —one defined by authenticity, compassion, and unwavering self-respect.