While I've been patiently waiting for my next coaching session and what it may reveal to

me, there's a storm of thoughts in my head. Some days simply because it's the way I am & others are triggered by events and conversations. So this time around I don't even know where to start with.

I've been reading, listening and thinking a lot about the way I am & why I am so. Some of the stuff I've read claims that overthinkers and people who need reassurance are this way because of things from childhood like parents not paying enough attention to

them. I guess in my case this needs further exploration with the help of a professional. As for where I stand I've been given unconditional love as a child, so I tend to believe the reasons might be different in my case. I'll probably leave this analysis for another blog post.

What has triggered me, even more, this week is realizing yet again that Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory is applicable to every aspect of our lives. A few weeks back when I was all under stress from the situation at home, the only thing I wished for and could think of was peace. I've thought for a while that if I have my peace, I could possibly continue being married, but the framework of the marriage would need to change. Well, the truth is I quite like my peace & independence.

Now that I've gained peace at home, my breaks/escapes, I'm back to my social contacts as well, my need for more was awakened. I've reached my basic need - peace. And I want more from life. As my personal trainer rightly said earlier this week -  I'm not 85 years old with few years left to live, so I shouldn't settle for less.

As I brought it up again at home last night, I can't stop but wonder why everyone else, but my husband understands what I mean when I say I don't see my happiness in this marriage. Why wouldn't he open up to my woods of "This is unfair to both of us. We deserve to be

happy." Are we lost in translation here? I have straightforwardly said that my happiness is not with him. And yet, it seems as if I'm speaking Chinese.

I believe to be a caring person. As such it breaks my heart that my, in my opinion, very clear message comes across wrong and it causes pain. I wish I knew what to do so both of us come "well" out of the situation. Although I consciously understand I'm nobody's therapist I still wish the best for him and I wish to help him realize that our happiness, in the long run, is apart from each other. How wrong could that wish be?...