I've been bothered lately by the question "what am I afraid of?". It hasn't given me peace for at least two weeks now. A very confusing state to be in...

So as an organized overthinker, I've played the different scenarios in my head to figure it out. I played the exclusion rule "game". I've started excluding the things I was sure I'm not afraid of when it comes to the upcoming changes in my life. I made lists and thought of situations in the future, but nope - there wasn't any answer in those either. Day after day I kept thinking of what is this "thing" that seems so scary. Until it hit me this Sunday!

I grew up in a big united family. There were always family members around, and children laughing and playing. The house was never quiet. It felt warm and it felt like home any time of the year. And while I was sitting yesterday on the couch and snuggling with my daughter, the apartment was so quiet for the first time in a very long time. That was my "aha" moment. Then I finally figured out what I'm afraid of.

The peace and quietness I am so eager to achieve suddenly felt almost like a nightmare. All the "what ifs" started dancing in my head. What if I don't manage to create this "home" feeling for my daughter and myself afterward? What if the peace need is temporary? What if I'm making the wrong choices? What if... What if..? The few minutes of this "battle" felt like ages. Am I sabotaging my own happiness by being afraid? Every change is scary. People don't change easily either. And I'm not an exception to this rule. As Tim Ferris says "If the challenge we face doesn't scare us, then it's probably not that important." So I decided to take the "being afraid" as part of the change and growth process. And instead of going around with the scenario playing and questions, I took an action. Luckily both I and my daughter laugh dancing, so I suggested we dance, played some loud music, and had fun for the next hour.

Change is scary. The unknown is scary. But so is staying in the same place and being unhappy. So, is being afraid really part of the process? The answer is: it depends. I've learned along the way that the key to success is not to eliminate fear altogether, but to learn how to manage it in a healthy way. By acknowledging and understanding our fears, we can take steps to address them and move past them. This may involve developing coping mechanisms, and seeking support from others. Or even stop and "High five" ourselves, for the little wins we have during the journey. I did my "You got this, girl" moment yesterday and haven't felt happier and more relieved in weeks now :)