It's been a quarter since my last post and even if there were moments when I felt like writing somehow I didn't make it. It's been three extremely eventful and at times painful months, but here I am today looking back happy at how far both me and my daughter has come.

The first days of 2024 commenced with a short trip with my daughter and my brother. It was strange being at a place where we were before as a family but between sightseeing, meeting friends, and so on, I didn't even have the time to think of it. Life at home after the holidays felt like everything else but normal and easy. I've spent the first two months of the year proving to myself, my ex, and society that I'm a good mom and person. Three months full of anger, sadness, crying, and close friends trying to paint the world in better colors than I was seeing it - a constant battle between societal expectations, personal demons, and the lingering shadows of a broken relationship. Not to mention the stressful time at work on top of it.

But I think the turning point I reached about a month ago after the highest escalation between me and my ex. A simple question posed by a friend echoed through my mind, forcing me to confront my motivations and priorities. I realized that my energy was wasted on trying to prove something that held no significance. Once I realized that things changed for the better. One would say "Wow, is it that simple?". No, it's not. It took me two months of fighting, crying, power games, etc to realize I needed a few days off work to figure out stuff. And this one question - "Who are you doing this for and why?".

Divorcing a narcissist leaves you with trauma and a hole full of darkness and doubts to overcome. Navigating co-parenting with him  is like a minefield each step fraught with uncertainty and tension. While I lost almost a quarter figuring out the game plan for the minefield,  I made sure to get specialist help for my daughter and try to be there for her despite my pain and mess. Things don't get solved overnight, but I've learned the hard way in the past months to avoid provocations and do my best to answer without any emotions. In practice, this mostly means keeping the communication to writing only and answering once the storm of emotions passes. I'm very relieved to share that it mostly works. Half a year past the divorce I reached a point where I can have a decent conversation with him without any of us "getting the guns out". It's a point which 3 months ago I wouldn't have seen as possible shortly.

I completely understand that it can be challenging to navigate the return to a sort of normality. Finding balance in these uncertain times can be difficult, but it's important to prioritize well-being and take things one step at a time. My focus continues being my daughter and fixing the undisputable damage caused her by the events and trying not to lose myself and not forget my needs in the process. So even when it may look like everything is upside down, I slice the elephant into pieces, take a deep breath, understand my feelings, smile, dance a bit, and move on. I must also admit that this process is much easier for me with the support of my family and friends circle.

In navigating this chapter of my life, I've come to realize the transformative power of attitude. With each challenge overcome, and each hurdle surmounted, I'm reminded that resilience is not merely surviving but thriving in the face of adversity. And so, armed with newfound clarity and unwavering support, I embrace the journey ahead with optimism and courage.