It's Xmas time and with the year coming to an end, it's a reflection time as well. This year Christmas is different. For me it was an overwhelming one - it was the first Christmas with the new situation. Despite the divorce I've managed to agree with my ex to spend Christmas Eve together because of our daughter.

I'm used to big family gatherings for the Christmas holidays and most of the years we've managed to be home with the family. But this year was different. Not only we weren't back with the family, but the family wasn't really the traditional family either. It's been emotionally rough few days. From the overwhelming of being just me and my daughter home through spending it as a happy family with the ex. I need to admit the celebration itself went easier than I imagined it in my head, yet it left an unresolved feeling of confusion.

In between being alone with my daughter, having a family dinner for Xmas and enjoying nights out dancing and chatting with old and new friends I came to realise that despite the fact I asked for the divorce it has left a hole in me. I've convinced myself that I am sufficient on my own, that I can be a mom and a dad and that there's nothing I need in life other than my daughter being well. While it might be the case that I don't need the controlling abusive partner, I do need someone to share the great moments of my day, I do need a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong and someone to inspire me to be a better version of myself.

As I reflect on the past and set intentions for the future, it's clear that establishing firm boundaries, especially with those unaccustomed to them, is a priority. It's a commitment to shedding the fear of the past and embracing the beauty of life. In this process, I aim to strike a balance between self-sufficiency and the inherent human need for connection. As the new year unfolds, I embark on a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and the pursuit of a more authentic and fulfilling life. May the lessons of the past guide me toward a future marked by growth, joy, and meaningful connections. May 2024 be the year of joy, personal growth and abundance.