As with most of my blog posts, this one is also inspired by a few of the conversations I had today. The journey to myself has been with some turbulence, but here I am today feeling like I'm halfway through the "bridge of divorce".  The first weeks of getting onto the bridge and walking on it felt quite scary, accompanied by a lot of fear and self-doubt. And sometimes fear is there to protect us from danger, but on other occasions, it's just unreasonable.

The journey toward divorce is undoubtedly challenging, emotionally draining, and complex. But at the same time, it's extremely enlightening and it allows an immense space for personal growth. Most of us (my generation at least) have been raised with the idea that one is on earth to grow up, create a family and live happily ever after. But personality and reality kick in and it turns out the "happily ever after" is not for everyone. I've looked at this journey as a bridge to freedom and peace, freedom and peace I don't have in my current relationship. A friend told me today that it's a state of mind only, to which I partially agreed. Although a big portion is a state of mind in my case is also the "right" circumstances. The journey is rarely easy, but it can be a transformative experience for personal growth and self-discovery and here's how it looked for me so far.

The journey toward divorce began long before the decision was made. It started when I started noticing that we "don't speak the same language". The communication (which wasn't great at any point in time - Red flag alert) was getting worse and worse, from fights through lies and simply different views about the world. That's when I started opening up to the possibility of couples therapy, but hey we don't need this is what I've been told. Then it started affecting my health as well and this was the wake-up call. This time around I've listened to the doctors about the psychosomatic effect this has on my health.

Making the decision to pursue divorce is one of the most challenging steps in my journey. It involved weighing the pros and cons, considering the impact on me, on my daughter, and the future. It was full of doubts, fears, and societal stigmas which created an emotional rollercoaster, but it was essential to start prioritizing myself and my well-being and the pursuit of a more fulfilling life. And this was my first real step on the "bridge".

After I took the decision for myself and I put it on the table is when the emotional roller coaster started speeding up. I went through grief, anger, guilt, mood change, tears, you name it. In my case seeking support from therapists, coaches, and friends helps me navigate these emotions, providing a safe space for healing and growth.

Apart from the pain, divorce offers me an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth as well. Rediscovering new things about myself, nurturing interests, and exploring new possibilities became a very interesting part of the journey. I'm learning to practice self-compassion and embrace the journey of rediscovering my identity (and rediscovering over and over again that I don't fit in, but learn to embrace it as well).

I'm today at the middle or a bit after the middle of the bridge, as the legal part is still missing and I foresee this being yet another challenge on the road. But I can sense that this journey leads to a fresh new start. While scars may remain, the experience offered valuable lessons and newfound strength.  It is a time to rediscover myself and focus on personal growth and happiness.

This phase may involve setting new goals, establishing a support system, and focusing on self-care. It is crucial to practice self-compassion and embrace the journey of rediscovering one's identity. And although the bridge is shaky at times, I continuously repeat to myself that the end of one journey is often the beginning of another, offering the possibility of a brighter future filled with personal fulfillment and happiness. And the most important lesson I'll take towards the next one is to listen to my intuition, the one that was never wrong and that's improving with the time and experience I gain.